Saying "This Should Be Easy" = Gaslighting Yourself

If you've ever told yourself or been told that, "This should be easy," you know how painful and frustrating that can be. It can make you feel angry. It can make you feel hopeless. It can make you feel broken. Let's change all that, shall we? By the end of this video, you'll know how to stop being so hard on yourself so you can finally start achieving your potential.

Watch the video below or read on for the full transcript.

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Helping my clients learn how to offer themselves compassion in the face of obstacles is one of the most important things I do inside my coaching program. Now, it's your turn. So let's get started!

Before we dive into why saying this should be easy equals gaslighting yourself, let's first define what gaslighting is.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where someone's lived and felt experience is overridden with a lie, causing the victim to question their sanity.

While it's more common to be gaslit by someone else (narcissists and abusers, for example), it is also possible to gaslight yourself.

Okay, now that we have a definition for gaslighting, let's return to today's topic. When someone is telling you, "This should be easy," or you're telling yourself, "This should be easy," it's gaslighting. You're overriding your actual experience that this isn't easy with a lie, that it should be easy.

This is harmful in so many ways. First of all, gaslighting is abuse. End of story. When you come to question your own lived and felt experience, you lose trust in yourself. You lose the ability to make decisions for yourself based on what you know, think, and feel, and instead, depend on the opinions of others. And when you lose trust in yourself, you look to others for constant guidance, instruction, and validation. This results in functional paralysis, where you feel completely frozen and unable to trust what you're thinking and feeling, unable to make decisions, and unable to start things, let alone finish them.

And I would argue that those of us who have a tendency to tell ourselves that, "This should be easy," have been victims of gaslighting from others in the past. Which is why it's almost automatic to question our experiences and gaslight ourselves. At some point in our lives, we were taught to think this way.

If you already knew about gaslighting, but labeling, "This should be easy," as gaslighting is new and enlightening to you, drop one of these emojis in the comments below.

If this is a new concept altogether for you however, I recommend watching this video next for some great books to read to learn more about types of abuse such as gaslighting.

Now let's get back to what to do when you find yourself thinking to yourself, "This should be easy."

"But Cassie!" I hear you screaming through the void of space and time. "This hyper-specific thing I'm thinking of should, in fact, be easy." If that sounds like you, please listen to me when I say it's not true. The more strongly you feel that something should be easy, the more likely it is that you have well and thoroughly gaslit yourself into a place where you not only don't trust your own experience, but you may also struggle to notice what your own experience actually is in the first place.

For example, if you feel really strongly that whatever task you're thinking about should be easy, I bet you're also someone who struggles to figure out what you want in the first place. (exasperated RAH)

So now that you know that I am indeed talking directly to you when I say that, "This should be easy," is gaslighting yourself, let's move on to what to do about it.

Notice that you're thinking feeling that this should be easy.
Acknowledge that it isn't true.
Look for evidence that it isn't true for you.
Reaffirm that it isn't true for you by saying, "This is hard for me because of X, Y, Z."
Ask for help if you need it.
Offer yourself compassion and grace as you attempt to do this hard thing.
Offer yourself compassion and grace if you don't succeed right away.
Offer yourself the time you need to recover before trying again.
Rinse and repeat.

Now, you know why telling yourself that something should be easy is, in fact, a way of gaslighting yourself and what to do about it.

P.S. If you would like me to do a separate video on how to handle things when someone else tells you, "This should be easy," let me know in the comments. Because to do that topic justice would require a whole video unto itself.

In the meantime, if procrastination and resistance is something you deal with frequently, regardless of the type of task, I highly recommend checking out my free masterclass where I teach you three mindset shifts and one simple three-step system to help you kick procrastination to the curb. All you have to do to get access is go to this link and sign up.

Check out these videos next to learn more about abuse, trauma, and emotional flashbacks.

If you liked this video, hit that like button and subscribe and be sure to share it with your friends. I'll be back in two weeks with another video. See you then. Bye.

MindsetCassie WinterNovember 25, 2021ProcrastinationComment