The Ultimate Worthiness Affirmation For Spoonies
If you're a spoonie and struggle with worthiness, poor self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and/or generally have a habit of judging yourself harshly and beating yourself up, this video is for you. I'm going to teach you the ultimate worthiness affirmation that is an absolute favorite among my coaching clients. It really does have the power to change your life.
Watch the video below, or read on for the full transcript.
If you're looking for the tools, support, and structure spoonies need in order to spend their precious time and energy the way they would like to, so they can finally achieve their potential and thrive, look no further. Subscribe to my channel and hit the bell to be notified whenever I post a new video.
Now, if you struggle with perfectionism in everything you do, from being presentable to being easygoing, to not admitting you have needs and never asking for help, I can't emphasize enough that this affirmation is for you. This affirmation isn't just about giving yourself unconditional permission to not be perfect, like I talked about in this video. This affirmation is about giving yourself unconditional permission to show up for yourself and others, no matter how messy you or your life happens to be right now.
Ready for the affirmation?
Drum roll, please!
Affirmation:
Show Up Messy
Before we get into the nitty-gritty of what showing up messy looks like and how it can change your life, let's talk about why it's so important. When you're a spoonie, your time and energy are absolutely precious because you have less than able-bodied, mentally healthy, or neurotypical people. When you have less time and energy, what you choose to spend your time and energy on matters more. Let's add some context.
For example, if we were close friends, and one day I only had the energy to send one text message that day, and you were the person I chose to message, you'd know just how much you mean to me because I spent all of my very precious little energy on messaging you.
Friends of spoonies, take note: if a spoonie ever spends any of their time and energy on you, that means you mean a lot to them.
Here's another example. Spoonies are often so used to tolerating their chronic issues that their symptoms often have to get really bad before they'll ever admit to them, let alone ask for help. While this type of "resilience," (ugh, I kind of hate that word, but that's a different video), is often lauded by non-spoonies, the drive or pressure to be resilient can be invalidating, exhausting, and depressing. The end result is spoonies go too long without getting their needs met for fear of being a burden.
If you're a spoonie and have ever felt pressured to "be resilient," let me know down in the comments.
So what do these two examples have to do with showing up messy? When spoonies give themselves unconditional permission to show up messy in every moment of their lives, they unburden themselves from needing to be perfect and from needing to not need help.
Here are some examples of how I and some of my clients embody the idea of showing up messy.
When I show up to coach my clients on Zoom calls, I never wear makeup, and I usually have my hair up, and more often than not, I'm wearing pajamas.
Zoom Haute Coutour
Some people may look down on me for that, but here's the truth. If I were to spend some of my precious time and energy to look presentable for my clients, I would be less able to show up for them as a coach the way they deserve. I would be more tired. I would be foggier, and I wouldn't be able to help them as much.
Example number two: because I and many of my clients are spoonies, many of us struggle with brain fog, and our foggy brains show up with us often on calls. By giving ourselves unconditional permission to show up messy, there is no shame or embarrassment when one of us has a brain fart, or is struggling to communicate something, or loses track of what we were saying, or forgets a word. It's a safe space for everyone.
This makes it easier to ask for help when you need it most, which often happens to be when your symptoms are the strongest. No matter whether your symptoms or struggles are physical, mental, or emotional. Showing up messy means you can be honest and unashamed of what you're struggling with. Which means that you get the support and validation you need to move forward.
Here's another example. When you allow yourself to show up messy, you can give yourself permission to prioritize things and let other things move to the back burner. For example, keeping up with household chores is really difficult for me, but I don't let not having a perfectly clean and tidy home keep me from working on the things that matter the most to me, like this coaching business.
Now, as a final example, let's talk about relationships. This part can be really hard, as non-spoonies can sometimes seem determined to misunderstand us. If you have non-spoonies in your life that refuse to do the work to empathize and understand what you're going through, you have every right to decide how much time and energy you're willing to put into those relationships.
For those relationships that you do want and choose to spend time and energy on, showing up messy can mean literally being messy (i.e. remembering that your friend or family member cares about you, not how you or your home or your car look). If you had plans to go out with someone but you woke up out of spoons, you decide whether you'd be up for a different plan or if you need to cancel altogether. A good friend will not blame you for needing to change plans or cancel. And a good friend will also be willing to make accommodations for you. For example, talk on Zoom together instead of meeting at a coffee shop.
Showing up messy is about being honest about how you're doing most of the time, instead of masking until things get really bad. Furthermore, asking for help before things get really bad.
Counterintuitively, establishing, enforcing, and respecting your own boundaries instead of constantly sacrificing yourself in order to not be a burden--that's a form of showing up messy. You know why? Because often, asking for your boundaries to be respected feels vulnerable, and being vulnerable is part of being messy.
Here's a really simple but profound example. If you're at a friend's house and you're freezing, don't pretend like you aren't cold. Ask your friend for a blanket or something, or a hot drink. I'm betting they would be more than willing to help you.
And here's another one for spoonies. If you're in a doctor's appointment and you notice you're spending too long talking about one aspect of your symptoms or care, and you're running out of time to talk about everything you wanted to talk about, say something like, "Hey, I know this is important, but I know we're also running out of time, and there's something else I wanna make sure to talk to you about before we finish today."
Boundaries are hard. Often that's because establishing and enforcing boundaries with people means being vulnerable, like I said before, which is the ultimate form of showing up messy. When you allow yourself to show up messy for yourself and others every day, you'll be amazed to see how much richer, rewarding, fulfilling, loving, and healing your life can be.
That doesn't mean it's easy, but is it worth it? Hell yes.
So I host a wonderful community inside my coaching membership. And just the other day, I asked to see if anyone would be willing to share what the concept of showing up messy means to them. Not how they define it, but how meaningful it is for them. A couple of them shared something really lovely, so I just wanted to share what two of my clients said.
One of my clients who has been with me since January 2021 says, "To me, showing up messy means that I can show up in any state, even my worst, and I'll be welcomed and supported. Instead of being penalized, my disabilities and limitations are embraced with compassion and acceptance. Instead of being pressured to be someone I'm not or do something I'm not capable of, I'm supported to discover and do what works best for me."
And one of my other clients says, "Since learning to show up messy through Accountability Muse, whenever I miss deadlines, struggle to start tasks, or find myself struggling to do what I need to do, I don't bully myself. Instead, I've learned to be open to my own physical and emotional limits. By accommodating my mind and body rather than judging, I have made progress on goals that were unreachable before."
Oh, I am so proud of my clients. These are only two small stories of the many stories I have heard from them, and how working with me to improve their relationships with themselves and how they spend their precious time and energy. I am so proud of them, and I am so honored that they trust me with that really important job of helping them through all of this. So, you know who you are. Thank you so much. I adore you all.
Now you know the ultimate worthiness affirmation for spoonies: to show up messy.
For those of you who have been around a while, you know this is usually the part where I recommend people sign up for my free masterclass to help you kick procrastination and resistance to the curb. While that's still available and can be found at this link, I am excited to share that my new course will be starting mid-January, and I'm now accepting applications!
This eight-week course is designed to have all of the tools, support, and structure spoonies need in order to spend their precious time and energy the way they would like to, so they can finally achieve their potential and thrive. But most importantly, the ultimate goal of all of my coaching, including and especially this course, is to help my clients develop unconditional self-trust so they know beyond a shadow of a doubt, they can handle anything that comes their way and achieve their potential.
And if you're worried about how much this will cost, please don't because I've got sliding scale pricing. It is really important to me that my course be as accessible as possible. I can't wait to read your applications.
And for those of you who have been supporting me, thank you so, so much. I couldn't do this without you.
Check out this post next to learn more about overcoming perfectionism.
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Now, because I'll be running my course starting mid-January, I'm going to be taking a break here from YouTube to ensure that my clients have the best experience I can give them. But I will be back. So see you in a few months. Bye.